She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Randomize