i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
