I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
Randomize
