you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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