ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
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