dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
