I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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