So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
