I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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