You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
