I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
