He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
No more chicken and waffles served by drag queens at 2 AM. :(
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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