We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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