Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize
