I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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