I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
