so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
In other news, I just burned my penis
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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