im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
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