I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
Randomize
