just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
