I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
