all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Randomize
