Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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