I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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