onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
My cat gives me a boner
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
