Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
