I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize