I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
