My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
