It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
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