I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
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