I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
