youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
