You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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