I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
