i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
