tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize
