Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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