You really coming over, don't trick.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You were carrying a 6 ft lamp that we stole on your back yelling "OHANA MEANS FAMILY AND FAMILY MEANS NOBODY GETS LEFT BEHIND"
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
