In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
