The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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