All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Randomize
