i just wanna soil my oats bro
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
