Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Randomize
