I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
Randomize
