I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
Randomize
