he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
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