I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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