Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
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