Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
