id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
Randomize
