I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
