The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
