put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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