Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
