never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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