i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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