Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
