Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
