You're completely useless in the revolution.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Randomize
