So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
