My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
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