I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
