Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
i will never coherently bang her
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
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