just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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