i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Randomize
