Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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