im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
