I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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