its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
