Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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