i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
Randomize
