Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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