It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
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