Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
