ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
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