that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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