Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Randomize
