Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
