i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
