Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
