There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
