Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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