I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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