so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
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