no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
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