omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
