Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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