I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
