why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
