My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
You were shirtless with a cowboy hat in 15 degree weather then u shotgunned a can of mixed vegetable Progresso soup
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
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