He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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