Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
Randomize
