I'm going to jail i love you
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize