How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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